James slowly stood up from his crouched position amid the pungent cloud of vinegar. His arms slowly coming down after guarding his face out of instinct. He glanced down at the stain of pink brine spreading across the dingy tiled floor. Shards of glass glistening like angry teeth radiating away from his feet.
“Jesus! How could that many pig’s feet have possibly been in that jar?!” he observed at the carnage of pickled porcine paws littering the floor.
All he wanted was a 6-pack of beer and a quiet afternoon in his recliner with SportsCenter on repeat. As he approached the counter, the man ahead of him was talking annoyedly at the clerk behind the counter.
“Damnit, Dale! How Could you? She’s my sister! She’s only 17! You’ve known her since we were playing Guitar Hero together back in high school!”
That was when James had to duck and protect himself as bags of Corn Nuts and other assorted snack foods and candies flew through the air past him. He saw Dale pick up the big half-wheel of red-rind cheddar cheese from the counter and wasn’t sure if it was going to be a shield or a weapon. He didn’t want to find out either way. Right then was when the assailant tried to punch the wheel of cheese, but accidentally knocked the giant jar off the counter.
James couldn’t take any more of this redneck theater. No shitty light beer was worth the chemical warfare to which he was now subjected. Relaxing in the recliner was now out of reach. Maybe the local dive bar would make this day end a little better. At last no one there would notice the vinegar fumes on his clothing.